Category: healing

when bitterness sets in

Most of us can’t pinpoint the moment a disappointment becomes bitter. Many of us experience repeated disappointments in the same area, and we still recognize the pain of being disappointed, but often there comes a certain point where we believe the disappointment and it makes a home deep in our hearts. Bitterness is basically unresolved grief that is very buried.

From then on out, there is no person or situation that can prove otherwise. Perhaps from time to time we feel glimpses of hope and forget about our pain, but it won’t be long before we are disappointed again in that area. Not just because life sucks, but because bitterness is an invisible ruler that sits on its own throne of our heart, ruling with its own interpretations. Bitterness is a stronghold. By nature bitterness takes root when we choose to stop hoping past our experiences. For most of us this starts in childhood.


what is justice?

What is Justice?

Justice is My Truth made manifest. It is My Kingship made manifest.

All around us, we see things of injustice. We see people who have their lives stolen, we see people who have their belongings, their dignity, their hope, stolen. Our reaction to injustice is often: how unfair! How unfair that a life was stolen, how our friends were deported.

And indeed, the enemy is unfair, and it is right that we be angry. But in the midst of this, the Lord keeps reminding me that our ideas of justice in these situations always come down to how to right the wrongs. In human definitions, justice is: paying reparations (paying back), balancing the scales, bring the wrongdoer to account and punishing him. In its worst cases justice is vengeance. And most of all, justice is being fair.

But while God’s justice can encompasses all these things, justice is much bigger and far more loving than simply “bringing fairness”. His justice may not even appear fair, at first. He is not merely trying to right the wrongs and drop the gavel on the oppressor. He wants to manifest His Kingship. His true justice brings glory to His Name, so that all bow and see the King.

The Lord took me to Isaiah 59, which is a massive confession of our own sins. As I read this I was overwhelmed by my own sinfulness, by the areas where I have judged others. How deeply I do not deserve justice.

For our offenses are many in your sight,

and our sins testify against us.

Our offenses are ever with us,

and we acknowledge our iniquities:

Lord, I acknowledge the sinfulness in my own heart. I know that my sins grieve you.

So justice is driven back—

and righteousness stands at a distance.

As I continued to read the passage, I saw how justice–true justice–is not something we know about. When justice reveals itself, it reveals one of the foundations of His throne! It reveals the nature of who God is, His Lordship, His authority over all creation and men. True justice reveals that men are not in charge. It reveals far more than rightness, but truth, love, compassion for all involved, dignity, power, transformation and wisdom. It reveals that Christ alone is the one who works justice, that He is king.

The Lord looked and was displeased

that there was no justice.

He saw that there was no one,

he was appalled that there was no one to intervene

so his OWN ARM worked salvation for him.

He put righteousness on as a breastplate,

and the helmet of salvation on his head;

he put on the garments of vengeance

and wrapped himself in zeal as in a cloak.

Jesus, we know that you are working tirelessly on our behalf; we know that we have tried and failed and bringing about justice. You saw and see that no one can intervene, so you alone are bringing salvation. You yourself will get the credit, will get the glory. Our own fairness, rightness, stance before you, our cleanliness are totally dependent on your blood, that you have done this for us, that you are the worker of justice. We are nothing without it.

From the west, men will fear the name of the Lord,

and from the rising of the sun, they will revere His glory.

For he will come like a pent-up flood

that the breath of the Lord drives along.

Justice is the revealing of the Lord’s own name, Savior, Redeemer. Today He kept asking me to expand my definition of justice. Justice is how He wants to reveal His name and His lordship through every situation. We have to learn this, that it may not look fair on the surface, but that justice itself is an act of revealing. It will always reveal Him, and Him alone as the true redeemer. And it will certainly come. He will ALWAYS bring justice for his chosen ones (Luke 18:7).

When Solomon was forced to judge between the two women and the baby, he asked for his assistants to “bring me a sword”. He was not going to use it to divide babies or kill people. He was going to reveal the nature of God’s truth and justice. With one simple act, the woman confessed. No one had to guess who was wrong. No one had to be manipulated or threatened. And in the end, there was fairness but most of all there was an awe that fell over the entire kingdom over this simple judgment–an awe of the Lordship and wisdom and love that Solomon had.

Jesus, we pray for your complete and total revelation of yourself in areas where we have been mistreated or have been stolen from. We confess that we have nothing to offer to justice; our hearts are only clean through you. We cannot demand reparations or vengeance or even fairness. Have mercy on us. We pray that in these situations, you would manifest your kingship, the greatest revelation of yourself that we may worship and marvel at your majesty. Even now, as we have friends who have been rejected, persecuted and even recently, killed, we want your truth revealed in the greatest possible way so that people are saved, people are thrown aback by who you are, people are drawn into your kingdom in greater ways… that we will experience you coming like a pent-up flood that the breath of the Lord drives along!

Joy and acceptance–the humor of Grace

I know very little; my wife knows much more (that’s no joke!), but one thing i do know is that Jesus is indefatigable. He never gets exhausted. How is that? I think it has something to do with joy. This One who labours harder than all of us combined, somehow–staring at that joy set before Him, never just poops out and quits.

What of this joy set before Him? If joy-and particularly the one set before Jesus-is eternal, it is also unlosable (if that is a word). We cannot actually have joy stolen from us, as it seems we do in experience. Joy, God’s joy is eternal and inviolable. This joy somehow gives Jesus hope to never give up, and be overcome by the exhaustion of His endless labours. Something He sees and knows, some Joy.

I don’t hear much of joy. Such a short word even in french–joie; but so much punch and energy it offers. The great phycholigist Victor Frankel held out joy as the primary motivation which kept those who endured the holocaust going. They held to some image of joy–something that they cherished, and in this clinging, hope stayed chiming deep within them. Joy ushers in hope–holding onto this hope that we will see His face…

But joy does something else as well-it causes us to feel accepted fully in the depths of our being. When we feel God’s joy over us, we suddenly feel entirely accepted–engulfed in His full validation of ourselves–completely welcomed. From that place of self acceptance, we are able to work on our own shortcomings, or areas we need to allow Him to transform us in. But I believe that this acceptance which follows joy, needs to be there, before we are able to break into transformation.

To feel accepted is humourous when we realize how messed up we trully are! The humour comes from the contrast of our state, and God’s love for us, as we are. Humour works by putting things normally in different categories in the same one for an instant–a banana peel and a soldier; humour works by contrast: the contrast here is our state and God’s acceptance. I think this is why we laugh (and cry sometimes), when we feel His full acceptance of ourselves. Grace in this way is a funny thing.

Laughter is good medicine, the old adage goes.

Why would laughter be medicine–because when that joy comes, and that self acceptance engulfs us, there is room for His spirit to bring healing. Joy also comes in the morning, because it brings the light of day into our tired souls. It is the morning that the bright and morning star shines–the one already rising in our hearts, each time we are tingled by His Joy!


Last night while praying, I had a hard time focusing on Jesus. Every time I felt like I was lifting my eyes to him, I kept seeing all these people in front of me waving their hands and talking on top of each other. I tried not to focus on that but every time I looked I kept feeling this room full of people arguing with each other. Everyone had something to say and no one was hearing anyone else because everyone was yelling and shouting at the same time. It was kind of hilarious, sort of like a chaotic courtroom, but the more I wanted to see Jesus the louder these voices got.

Finally I got the picture that this was like a big cloud in front of heaven. It was really a big distraction but I just resolved that I was going to “soar” past this cloud and stand with Jesus. I’ve learned over time that there are all sorts of distractions and even voices of self-judgment that make us think that we can’t get close to God or that we can’t see or visit heaven. Sometimes with me I feel like I can’t get clean enough. Like, in order to visit Jesus I have to spend a lot of time confessing. But as I sat there last night I could hear Jesus near me through the cloud of voices and he was saying, I forgive you, before I could even get the words of self-doubt out of my heart. I can’t believe it, it really is just a matter of fact and accepting it by faith that you don’t have to jump a lot of hoops to get near him. He’s really in the business of giving us instant baths.

The first thing he did was take my left hand and I felt him guiding it to something I could not see. My hand started tingling in “real life”, which is usually a sign to me that I am receiving or giving something. I let him move my hand around and suddenly he gently lowered it into a pile of what seemed to be feathers. They were so soft and so nice to touch. I thought this was a little weird so I said, “why am I touching these?” And he picked one up and put it in my palm. He said, “these ARE feathers. I am giving you a bunch to take back down there.”

I realized that the cloud of people arguing were Christians. There was a lot of arguing and divisiveness going on in the church right now. It makes sense that this cloud of argument keeps people from getting all the way near Jesus. People stop at where the church is stopped at, get caught up in the arguments. It was almost like a tripwire that the enemy had set up on the way to heaven. I don’t know if any of you have seen the movie “Mystery Men,” but in the movie there is a weapon that is called “blamethrower”–once it is aimed and shot at someone, that person starts blaming the person next to him and then it turns into a full-scale argument where the people no longer have control over their mouths. This is what it felt like in this cloud. It was nearly impossible to get past this cloud unless you determined you were going to ignore it and shoot out of it.

He said, “the church is about to make some breakthroughs. People who have never trusted or listened to each other before are about to start listening to each other. Will you hand out these feathers to them?”

Then he asked me to describe the feathers, and I wrote:

Feathers tickle. They make you laugh.

Feathers blow wind when moving, they make wind when flapping.

Feathers land in unexpected places, they travel on wind.

Feathers are soft.

“Feathers are ferocious in their own way,” he said. “Place feathers where there are swords against each other.”

I knew these feathers were going to make people soften, make people laugh and breathe a fresh wind. Contention has a way of making the air very stale and stifling. But these feathers are going to ripple into the cloud of argument.

So here I am writing this out, and doing that by faith. I am handing some of these feathers out. Will you take one? Even if you don’t need one, perhaps you can carry one to someone who does.

God has been speaking to us a lot about unity in the church lately. I don’t understand all of what is happening but it feels like the disunity and the arguments are reaching a fever pitch–and something is about to change.

“real women”

Last winter, I noticed a Dove ad in a magazine from England that looked very different than all the other ads. The women in it were different and so amazing looking. They were beautiful, but they were not 5 foot 11 and 100 pounds. Some of them were much shorter, and much, much curvier. Some of them were covered in freckles, some of them were older. The ad just featured six or so faces of women… did y’all see it? The ad was sponsored by Dove’s “Campaign for Real Beauty” and each woman had a question underneath her, like

>”What do you think?

>oversized or outstanding?

>wrinkled or wonderful?

>ugly spots or beauty spots?


Since then this new ad campaign by Dove went on to feature six different “larger” women in their underwear for a firming cream ad. And it is really stirring a lot of attention. Don’t know if you’ve seen them or not, but their ads are now in just about every major women’s magazine. They have a website []( “Campaign for Real Beauty”) that is just devoted to changing the way women perceive themselves. The front of the website starts with this simple statement

>For too long,

>beauty has been defined by narrow, stifling stereotypes.

>You’ve told us it’s time to change all that.

>We agree.

>Because we believe that real beauty comes

>in many shapes, sizes and ages.

>It is why we started the Campaign for Real Beauty.

Now I don’t know about anybody else, but I am SO GLAD that somebody is taking a positive step in this direction. I think the major, number one problem with the fashion and beauty industry is that largely prostitutional; it holds out a fraction of a woman’s identity as a way of getting women to buy things, or wanting to look like something they are not. The effect it has on women is pretty much the same as the effect it has on men–men want to have sex with them and women want to become them. Men might struggle with pornography but women have their own version. As you all know we are constantly comparing ourselves to each other, to some ideal. Our version is basically buying the fantasy that is being held out to us–we get jealous of other women, we diet to death, we want to feel sexier, and we start to define ourselves in terms of our sexuality and appeal. But we still become trapped inside the same prison of shame and guilt that happens with pornography.

Now how silly is it that women line up like frenzied animals to buy the same purse that Jessica Simpson wore last week?


vision of America

i had a very difficult but also, i think hopeful vision about America this week. wanted to share the raw form of it, and suggest the parts i got of interpretation…

I saw a huge gold covered thrusting left arm. This gold painted arm was just like the statue of liberty, and was holding out a torch–but this was the left arm. It was sort of ramming the arm straight out in front of it, leveling. i watched as it thrusted out, and then crumbled and broke, revealing the whole internal part of the arm to be mechanical.

(interpretation: the left arm is that through which we are to embrace “other” and relate to the world. it was important that this arm had become systems based or mechanical, and that it was exposed to be so when it crumbled. The left arm had been covered in painted gold, very thick, but easily chipped off as the arm crumbled. What looked shiniest or most gold was easily exposed. The right arm is the arm of authority and blessing. In this vision, the right arm was healthy and skin covered–ie still alive and human. The left foot and the right hand were the two healthiest places in the body. The right foot is the steppin out foot; while the left is the one which is back “at home” or supportive)

The arm crumbled to the joint which was like a many holed electrical outlet. Immediately i felt the vulnerability of the heart which was nearby the left arm. But then I looked and saw VERY high up the right arm extended. It was skin covered like a normal but large hand, and it was both sort of worshiping and welcoming all nations. On this side of the body was great life passion and strength, and then immediately I saw the right foot of america.

It was sandled and the foot was exposed and bloody, but a hairy man’s foot–like a strong greek athlete. The left foot was back and clean and strong, but this right foot was really working and being bloodied. I felt this had to do with the current moments in her history.

Then i looked back up and watched the remainder of the left arm draw down over the heart, and i felt a wisdom enter–like the left arm was going to be left in that dismembered state as a memorial, so that the heart would remember what happens when it relates to other nations too mechanically or through systems.

I then saw the whole frame from below, and the feet were huge and free. They were a large, even collosal, man’s feet, and they had a humble and more tender heart. They wanted to serve others.

The whole body then stepped out from the frame, and was skin covered and alive. Then again, i saw the long and high extended hand of welcome far above, near the sky.


And now a break from the previously scheduled programming (ah, I have a few more pieces on ‘who is your church’–they just keep comin’!).

Here is a recent word to Australia posted on the Elijah list

you have to scroll down a bit to get to the word

We love the nations and a big part of the reason we love to travel so much is that you just get to experience different parts of God in each place… so I am always excited to read other words people have gotten in a nation.

speaking of that, a few months ago we felt like it was time to start a billboard website just for prophecies. It will be a place to gather all kinds of words. And in particular a good place to gather stuff for nations and cities. I know a lot of you get dreams and visions and words for your city or your nation, and these things are really important to share. So we are open to what you have, be it a poem or a strategy or a dream or a spiritual map. The form doesn’t matter. He is releasing authentic expressions of his voice, so they don’t have to sound like anything super-spiritual, if you dig. If you have something that might be share-able, please write ‘ word @ subway’ (no spaces). It is brand-new, so I’ll post again when the site launches off.

new year’s fountain

It has been a really great New Year so far and from the looks of it, this year is really going to be a zoom forward for many of us spiritually.

Lately He has been talking to me about secret places of His life that have yet to be revealed in the world. One day while I was reading I had this strong picture of fountains coming up from the earth and beautiful rivers running down from mountains. These were two places from which spiritual energy flows–and they come from secret hidden places in the earth and in high places that few are willing to climb. Fountains can be tremendous forces or just healing spouts. But they are always “discovered”–spa towns in Europe were sometimes built around whole discoveries of secret spring sources. Likewise in the spirit there are fountains that have yet to be discovered. Imagine what it must feel like to be near a secret place of His life-force and energy bounding up from the earth. If you have been around intense revivals or places that are really saturated with the Holy Spirit, you may have touched a fountain. These fountains are real, and many more will burst in these days.

The tsunamis are a prophecy of the amount of power that will burst forth from God. When the enemy releases something it is usually a sign that God is about to do something greater. Just as the tsunamis release from the earth a surprise death fountain, we can bet that a greater fountain of life is about to spring forth. The release of both death and life upon the earth in the last days will increase until there are no shady in-betweens. These tsunamis were a great release of death from the jowls of the earth, but just as the earth opened up a literal fountain of grief, so we can bet that there will be an awesome supernatural fountain of life opened from the most unexpected place, a fountain that has NEVER BEEN OPENED BEFORE.

I am on the edge of my freakin seat!

Part of this fountain will contain a great drenching of the fruits of the spirit. He wants to increase our own personal senses of joy, peace, love… in ways that we cannot possibly create in ourselves. It will be obvious that the spirit is birthing His own fruit and in abundance. Many, many people this year are going to get dosed in joy. And it will surprise us (a surprise attack!). This will be a sign of what’s to come in our lives—a sign of the absolute abundance of the life of Christ in us, overflowing in ways that are obvious that He is making Himself alive. Even the power over death and resurrection life, which will definitely flow in later days, will not be earned but will be an overflow from the release of His life into His people.

Isn’t that amazing?!

deception and us

Hello everyone,

I want to share a word that I feel is very important for right now; it concerns the nature of deception, and some of the major battles that we are facing because of it. On a recent trip back from Europe, the Lord began telling us that “‘the judge’ had been released and was raising its head in Europe and America.” After the trip, both Derek and I struggled for a few days with this overwhelming sense of self-condemnation and also judgment toward each other. It didn’t take long to realize the issue was spiritual and not just everyday irritations.

This judge is the enemy’s counterfeit of the true Judge, who is Christ, and this counterfeit judgment is totally the opposite of Christ’s. Jesus is truly coming to set the nations in order, and they WILL be set in order. Satan would like to get there first—and his rulings will be filled with confusion and hatred and cause “nation to rise against nation.” The enemy’s judgment will also condemn the nations for not making peace happen as fast as they would like (which then perpetuates the self-efforting that led to the hatred in the first place). I truly think we are seeing the first stage of this awful judge. It is in our media, it is in our politics, it is in the church, and it is in our own hearts.

The only way to fight the judgments of the enemy are with the judgments of God, which see beyond the skirmishes of today and are filled with LOVE. But one reason the enemy’s version of judgment has become so popular, even in the church, is because so much of the body of Christ lacks true spiritual discernment and judgment of supernatural matters. For that reason, right now, God is increasing gifts of discernment in His people.

Right now, God is increasing gifts of discernment in His people—and this is not just the gift of “discernment of spirits” but an increasing supernatural discernment that goes along with an increase of wisdom and spiritual vision. I am so excited about this! If you would like it, it is available to you. Normally, I would put stuff that was more timely on our blog, but since this word is fairly long I have instead posted it in two parts to our regular website, where we have been publishing more articles lately. You can read the full word at:

The Battles of Now (1)

The Battles of Now (2)

I really do believe He wants to impart greater discernment into His people right now. An impartation is supernatural and just requires us to open our arms and say, ‘yes Lord!'”